'Take my hand, walk with me, we all need to grow up.'
Take my hand, walk with me, we will find a home for your heart.'
When I was living in Auckland, I was part of a group of post 1990's Asians growing up in a foreign country. I had an amazing childhood because everywhere I looked I could see a familiar face.
I had never envisioned in a million years that anywhere else could be any different. My parents told me at the end of high school, that in the real world, far away from Auckland, the oriental look isn't the norm. No matter how fantastic or amazing of a person you are, there will be plenty of people out there who won't appreciate the way you look. Don't take these things personally. It is just how the world works. You look at the number of really beautiful Asian actresses and actors trying to make it in Hollywood, yet, despite their efforts they will won't become the Angelina Jolies or the Tom Cruises. Sometimes you just have to accept that as a minority, you are not ugly, you are different. And difference isn't bad.
I just wish that all of the amazing Asian men and women who grew up in other places around the world that are not as accepting of difference didn't have to go through this extreme amount of self-depreciation and self-hatred.
The hardest part of all of this is that most of these people become moulded into someone they never wanted to be. The toughest people, the ones you don't fuck with, they wither and bend as they realize they cannot control their own place in society. As a result, they try and fit in even if it means they have to throw away every single value they had grown up with.
And now I'm part of this culture. Where I now live, if you're Asian you're most likely an international student or a FOB (Fresh Of The Boat). People like me who grew up overseas are extremely rare. I know that no matter how hard I try, I will never completely become what society is trying to force upon me. I grew up in a very traditional Asian household. Yet, I grew up surrounded by Western Culture evident in the programmes and music I listened to. So, now I'm stuck at a cross-road trying to figure out where to go. But you know what I have learned?
I'm going to work my butt off and I am going to be a good person. Anyone who judges me or tries to push down my standards should really judge me by my character. Because I'm still Asian, I'm an oriental doll, not a porcelain one. And I am never ever going to let my upbringing slip. I'm beautiful in my own way which is the most beautiful a person can ever be.
I'm not scared of any of this. I'm not trying to be Caucasian. If I spend my life trying to something I'm not, I will live with no light and no joy. If somebody wants to judge me, take a look at my character and then see if you can still pre-judge me. And this is to all the people out there like me. Don't ever think you are not good enough. Go after exactly what you want and work hard to establish your own place in society.
Only then you will have found a home for your heart.
