You are your greatest asset

 

I remember reading an article online that challenged the idea of confidence. Confidence, the author believed in today's society is often contingent upon a certain social status, a flashy car, that big house or a pay raise at work. Human beings are constantly seeking and hoping for more. And we often fall short of these expectations. If we build our confidence and our happiness around things, when they are taken away from us, our sense of identity may be destroyed.

My parents once told me, when you look for a husband, don't base his value on the happy moments you have shared together, when everything seemed to be perfect. Don't make your judgement relying on his status, his job or the amount of stuff that he owns. Anybody can be confident when the road appears bright and blissful. What happens when things do go wrong? When he doesn't get that big promotion and you end up living together in a tiny little shack. How will he cope? More importantly, will he still love you, in the same way as before? When a person prioritizes his house or job as number one, the relationship will fall number two. You only have the capacity to love so much in life.

Real confidence comes from those moments when you have nothing to base your value on but yourself. You are the only asset you own. Not your car, your house, your job but you as a whole and complete person. Possessions can be as easily taken away from you as when you obtained them. After all, they are just things. Billionaire Warren Buffett lives in the same five bedroom house he bought in the 1950's and drives a fairly modest car. What I love about this man is that he knows what matters. You can take away the staggering $58 billion fortune he has made and he will still be Warren Buffett. He hasn't changed himself or his definition of happiness because of the amount of things he can now buy.

You need to tell yourself every single day that you are still you no matter the circumstances. You may be going through a rocky patch or facing a brick wall but that doesn't make you more or less as a person. Who you are is something nobody can ever take away from you. You are your own greatest asset.

You can take away my suits, you can take away my home, but there's one thing you can never take away from me:

I am Iron Man.

The true meaning of love

We all have a different definition of happiness. A few years back, mine would have been somewhere along the lines of: I want to be like Carrie in Sex and the City. Single, carefree, living in a little apartment in New York with a wardrobe filled with designer clothing.

Then I grew up, I hit my 20’s. I started studying for a degree, working and taking on more responsibility. The days grew longer, the nights shorter and everyday began to feel like a lonely battle going from place to place getting things done. Happiness didn’t come from that huge milestone, looking forward to a big party or reaching a certain birthday, it began to resonate from the little moments. Like going for a walk, reading a book, having a day off to catch up on my favourite TV show. And I realized that no matter how great somebody’s life seems to be, we are all given 24 hours in a day. No more, no less. The world doesn’t feel like such a big place when you think about that way.

At the end of the day, we are all dying. Each of us at our own pace. But the destination is inescapable. When you think about it that way, you can really put life into perspective. Time is something that you can never buy back. Find out what you want in life, what matters and fight hard for it. Today's post is about love. It's true version, the stripped down unmediated version. Love is undeniably what each and everyone of us is looking for in some form or another.

I want what every girl wants. I want to find someone who loves me. I want to wake up everyday feeling like I’m the happiest girl in the world. Not because he’s perfect or that life is always easy but because love itself is selfless and patient and kind. And when you’re with the right person, you won’t judge them, compare them or devalue them because you know that life is too short for that.  

Many of us dream that the perfect man takes a certain form, is a particular height, a specific profession etc. etc. But you know something? Love isn’t a dream, it’s happening right before our very eyes. He might not be as tall as you want him to be as attentive as you expect him to be or as good-looking but life brought you together for a reason. If he’s willing to see the best in you, help you through the hard times, work on your relationship and improve himself for the better, God put someone amazing in your life. Love is still patient but it’s not easy. Being in love and love are two completely different concepts. Being in love is experiencing the excitement and the fuzzy cuddles and the long awaited phone calls every night, loving someone is listening to their problems, facing your fears together and fighting the unknown. You can’t say you were never fated to be together when you chose to give up at the last hurdle. There is no easy path. It depends how much you want to be together. I hear a lot of people say that long distance relationships never work because it’s too hard. You know what? I have friends who have survived the distance because they accepted it wasn’t going to be easy because falling out of love is all too acceptable when you spend months and months apart but these are the people who really understand how to love.

True love means somebody else’s happiness matters to you more than your own. You can sit with your significant other through the darkness because you love them and that is all the reasoning you require. True love means that you can go through the tedious moments of everyday together and still feel content when you fall asleep at night. I’ll be honest with you, I’ve never felt so scared in my whole entire life. I don’t like knowing that time is transient and that love isn’t as easy or perfect as the media makes it out to be. But we can’t fear when we can’t control. We all want to be loved. It's as simple as that. So need to fight to make it happen.

Nothing good is ever easy. A love that lasts is a love that goes through trials and triumphs. If you are both willing to put aside your differences and support each other, you might be the couple who will make it until the end.   

"How did you manage to stay together for 65 years?" The woman replied, "We were born in a time when if something was broken we would fix it, not throw it away." 

A famous father's poem to his son

Famous Chinese actor 陈建斌 wrote a really beautiful poem to his young son. It's called: Too much happiness. I've translated it so it may not be exactly like the original but nonetheless it's still really heart warming. 陈建斌 said this poem is for his son to read when he is older and it will teach him how to live life 'happily.'

Too much happiness

If you ask me to sing, I will sing.
If you ask me to dance, I will dance.
If you want to watch a movie, I will take you to Hollywood.

If you run, I will follow.
If you stop, I will rest.
If you want to fly, I will wait for you to land.

Don't worry about what other people think, you will find someone who understands you,
Don't worry about life's difficulties, it can only get better.

To find ourselves, there is nothing we should be afraid of.
To find happiness, there is nothing that should stop us.

If you want to jump, I will ask you how high.
If you want to spin, I will ask you how many times.

You are young, you are naive,
You came into this world so long after me,
Yet I traveled the entire world just to find you.

Where did you come from?
Where are you going?
Why have you entered my heart?

Your tears and smiles melt my heart
So that it becomes a real heart.

Go where the joy is

This is the shortest piece of advice I have ever given but

'Go where the joy is.'



My love forever and always,

Krystina

From my heart to every girl: cheap items attract the most customers

It feels so good to have my two best friends back. They always manage to cheer me up and knock some sense into me when I'm out of my mind. I know in a few years time when we all graduate, I will miss these shared moments walking around in the scorching sun, talking about anything we feel like, cooking, grocery shopping and generally acting like idiots.

So we were discussing our plans for the next 10 or so years when it dawned upon me that I will be 30. I know I've been carrying the burdens of an adult for a while already but I don't do half the things that typical 20 something year olds do. My best friends and I don't stay out all night clubbing, we don't drink alcohol (mainly because I think it is a waste of money), we would rather go to the fruit market than the bar at night and spend time with our girlfriends than mingle with members of the opposite sex.

In other words, we are *dum dum dum*... BORING...

That depressed me. On my way home on Friday nights I often encounter girls wearing skimpy outfits heading the opposite direction to me. While I'm waiting for my bus so I can go home, exercise, shower and sleep, I bet these girls are getting it on with the men of the night. Maybe the 17 year old Krystina would have cared and put on her 7 inch heels, but I have since grown up. That is because I know, as my two best friends always tell me:

Cheap items attract the most customers.

My friend has recently taken the initiative to remind me that I am a diamond. Diamonds are rare, so rare that they cost a fortune to buy. Every girl wants to own a diamond but not every girl can afford one. Cubic ziraconias on the other hand are cheap so they are often used as substitutes. Great girls are like diamonds. They are hard to obtain but they they will never break or lose their shine. These girls will not be with every male who glance their way because they are waiting for the men who can actually afford them. The ones who are not willing to pay the price will go for the cheap cubic ziraconias. They appear more sparkly, probably wear well at first but their quality in the long run will deteriorate.

My friend told me the story about how one of her friends and her boyfriend fell in love. The girl in the story was very beautiful, family orientated, never partied and kept to her close friends. Her boyfriend was extremely extroverted, tall, handsome and attracts plenty of female attention. He fell in love with the girl in the story because he knew she was different. She had her set of values and cared about the people she chose to care about. She never tried to fit in or use her beauty to gain the attention of other men. He knew if he wanted a one night stand, he could easily find a girl at a club. But if he wanted someone who would love him and bring value into his life, he would need to work hard to win the girl over. And he did, eventually. These days, they enjoy cooking at home and cherishing each others' company. When a man knows his woman's worth, he would never throw her away. You wouldn't want to lose a diamond.

I'm telling you ladies, pretty much all single straight men want to sleep with you, if they get given the opportunity, they probably will. You need to remember that if somebody doesn't work hard for your affection, they will never know your value. You cannot sell yourself short of anything less than the price of a diamond. I know it makes me sound like an outright fussy bitch but you will thank me one day for telling you this. If your aim is a one night stand, be my guest and close this page. If you want a relationship that is meaningful where your man knows how much you mean to him, you must first eliminate all the men who are not willing to put themselves out there for you. You do this by rejecting any forms of physical intimate contact until they factor you as an important part of their lives and have earned your trust. If they are a good guy, they will still stick around to understand the real you. Reliability, honesty, integrity and respect all come into play at this point. At first, you may feel like you will never find someone who can meet up to your standards, but eventually, the right man will come along and pay for the diamond because he is convinced it will be worth it.  

Don't ever settle for anything less.





My love forever and always,

Krystina

Be a woman of class

 

The feeling of unwarranted loneliness during the past few weeks had taken a toll on my mentality. I wanted to be understood and cared for. I was sick of making decisions, of domestic routine, of waking up to the sound of my alarm clock. I wanted to go home and cuddle with my little brother, have long meaningful discussions with my Dad and fall asleep in my Mum's arms. It was hard especially during Chinese New Year because I knew for the first time in many years, I would be alone on a day I would normally spend with my loved ones.

I didn't recognize myself anymore. I had changed from someone innately independent to a needy little girl. I realized at this time, I was the only person who could make things better.

I want to tell you something that might not cure your loneliness but it will benefit you in so many ways. I wasn't able to think clearly at first but I can now.

Here it is;

Be a woman of class. 

What I mean by class is someone who will never undermine herself no matter how she is feeling. This woman is confident in her decisions and can see the big picture instead of letting small mishaps or periods of loneliness affect her values and goals. She has a life she can be proud of because she knows her own capabilities and she doesn't need anyone to justify how fantastic she is. She can be there for the ones that she cares about because she doesn't crave reassurance from them, she enjoys their company. She doesn't compare herself to anyone else and she doesn't expect everyone to love her. She has that thing I talked about in one of my first posts called the inbuilt happiness. As a woman, you also need inbuilt class. No matter what other people say, what mistakes you have made in the past, you can move on without hatred or contempt. Class is about treating yourself right, treating others with respect and carrying yourself with integrity.

I was not a woman of class during my needy period. Actually I was far far away from where she stands. But I am wide awake now. There is always that point in time where you snap back into place. Before that, no matter what people say to make you feel better, it doesn't have any impact. I love the wake-up period because your mind is completely refreshed. But as you reflect on the past few weeks, you really cringe at the person you were.

All I can say is...

I'm back baby! 

I even treated myself to the Peace Love and Juicy Couture perfume so I smell amazing. Versace and DKNY scents are still my favorite but every now and again when I need a little help to retain my class, I will spray my Juicy Couture.

After a grueling two weeks of utter nonsense, I'm stronger than I ever was. I'm also a little sleepy. I will talk to you guys later.





My love forever and always.

Krystina

Promise yourself

 A friend of mine posted this beautiful piece of advice by Christian D. Larson on Facebook. I now have it pinned on my wall. I hope it makes as much sense to you as it does to me.



“Promise Yourself
To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”

― Christian D. Larson

On Legacy And Life

A good of mine wrote this particular post. We went to high school together where we both studied English for publications an advanced writing course. I had a conversation with her on Skype the night of the New Year where I asked her to write a piece about something on her mind. This friend is one of the most intelligent people I know. I don't mean only book wise (she is a bit of a nerd) but simply because she understands life. When I talk to her, everything always becomes so clear.

So Enjoy. This is a rare and special piece of writing.


I remember the exact moment when my life changed.

I was fifteen and lazing about in my bedroom, an episode of Gossip Girl playing loudly on my laptop. Jenny—the teenage protagonist at the time—was apologising to her mother about something she had done when her mother says (and here is the moment where I turned to the screen with rapt attention), “Rather than apologising to me, you need to look at yourself and ask if you like the person you’re becoming.”I thought, “Whoa. That’s deep, bro.” Because—let’s face it—no one asks a kid if they like the person they’re becoming. Adults ask you what you want to be when you grow up or what kind of job you want to have but they never really ask you what kind of person you want to be. Until that moment, I didn’t even realise I was becoming a person. An actual person. Like Nelson Mandela...or Adolf Hitler.Each of them was just one person—granted, a person who changed the course of history and humankind as we know it—but still only a person. Just like you or me.

The epiphany I had can only be described as having looked at a painting for years and only recently realising that it’s not just one object but a collection of tiny, careful strokes, blending into each other to create a whole image.

In other words, every decision that I make will decide the sort of person that I’ll become. I could be a person that changes the human race or achieve nothing at all.

That was when I decided to take over the world.

It’s a work in progress.

Anyway, sitting there on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, I began asking myself what kind of person I wanted to be.

Not long after, I came across someone who believed in kindness. She was the type of person who talked to the cleaner in the same way she talked to the dean of a university—with mutual respect and empathy. That was something I had never seen put into practice before.

Being Singaporean, I come from a society where your job/income determines your status and your status determines how the rest of the world treats you. To see equality put into practice not only surprised me but moved me to re-think the way society places value on people.

This girl I met was also happy. Genuinely happy. Now I don’t mean that she was hyperactive and giggly; what I mean is that every time she spoke, it was with a contagious excitement. She was passionate about her studies, about her work—about people. For her, it was never about money or the materialistic success often measured in cars and possessions, it was about the pursuit of knowledge and about contributing to our world.

Isaac Newton once said, “If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.” Now if anyone was standing on the shoulders of giants, it was this girl. She looked at life in a way that I could barely comprehend. Looking at the past, at human history, she saw how far we had come and she used her work to explore and understand what it meant to be human as well as a way to build on our past and shape a better future.

Every conversation with her felt like discovering an entirely new world.

My obvious crush on her aside, being friends with her also made me realise something. Who I am isn’t determined by my career, the amount of money in my bank, the clothes I wear, or the number of flashy cars I own. It’s the opposite. Who I am is determined by the effect I have on other people; whether I leave them with a nasty aftertaste or a warm feeling, and how they’ll remember me after my death.

As a fifteen year old kid, the realisation—that I didn’t like who I was becoming—also made me understand something else. Contrary to popular belief, we don’t discover who we are; we shape ourselves and our lives and everyone around us. So even if I don’t end up taking over the world, I’d like to be the kind of person who helps make it a little more worth living for.

Every mountain you face teaches you a lesson

Last week, my Dad took the family to New Plymouth for a short break. New Plymouth is famous for its snow mountains and beautiful ocean scenery.

My Dad insisted on a two hour hike up one of the established mountain routes.

For someone who runs 3km almost everyday, my legs still turned to jelly an hour in. The only thing that kept me alive was the ticking of my brain. As I struggled up the half meter high steps, I realized that every mountain you face teaches you something.


1. The climb up is always difficult but the view on top is most spectacular

After a long and arduous two hours, we finally reached our destination. Sitting on top of the world, I savored every second of our success. We were the only family that made it that day. No matter how difficult things seem at the time, like my climb up, you will reach your goal if you keep going. The view on top is more spectacular than from any other part of the mountain.


2. Life will always move forward

I remember a beautiful quote from the Chinese drama 'Moment in Peking'.

'The world is round, it will never be square.'

My Mum explained to me; "A square has corners, once you reach the end, you will fall off. A circle is round so that there is no end. No matter what difficulties you face, remember, life goes on."

When we reached the top of the mountain, we faced the inevitable; climbing down. I was grateful because although we had wondered so far high, there was still a path down. What I'm trying to say is; like a circle, there is no dead end to our journeys. As long as we are alive, life will always move forward.

So smile because difficult times don't last forever.


3. If you run from rats, you will never complete the journey

I personally cannot stand rodents. They creep me out. About a quarter into the hike, I saw a rat scuttle across the dirt road. I practically freaked out. Still, I chose to ignore it and continue with my journey. Rats connote the insignificant frustrations that can sometimes prevent us from reaching our goals. We must have the large picture in mind and not be distracted by any rats that appear.







I hope you are all enjoying your well deserved breaks. Christmas is just around the corner and so is the excuse to gain 5 pounds.

Remember you can learn a lesson from every mountain you face.

My love forever and always,

Krystina

Tony Parsons: Stories We Could Tell

"Stories we could tell is a novel about believing you'll be young forever, about sex and love and rock and roll, about the dreams of youth colliding head-on with the grown-up world. Tony Parsons goes back to his roots for this deeply personal book-the story he has been waiting to tell."

During our trip to Melbourne, April and I stopped at a bookstore in the DFO shopping center where I picked up Stories We Could Tell by Tony Parsons.

Set in 1977 in the UK, Stories We Could Tell depicts the lives of three young men; Terry, Ray and Leon who are music journalists for a weekly by the name of 'The Paper.' Terry is in love with his girlfriend Misty but by the end of the novel, he learns the reality of relationships. Ray has an affair with an older women but she refuses to leave her husband. Leon is left equally disheartened by the girl of his dreams.

Brutally honest, Parsons manages to capture the essence of growing up that is both painful and empowering.

Sex, love, jealousy, family dilemmas, friendship and dreams make up for an endearing story.

"Somehow sex with her had convinced him that he could find John Lennon. Sex with her made him feel like he could do anything." 

Two sentences. Powerful portraiture of the mentality of a 17 year old boy. Parsons depicts the smoke that clouds up the minds of young people when they are in love. Throughout the novel, we see how difficult situations in love force three naive young men to grow up quickly.

In any sense, this is a feel good book. The ending although not delirious is still hopeful. These are human beings who face everyday situations like the rest of us. Parsons uses one third of the novel introducing the characters but not at all in vain. Although the story itself is slow to progress, the protagonists are easy to sympathize with. There are elements in each character we can relate to.

By leaving the ending open to interpretation, Parsons informs us that no matter what happens, our story is never over. There will be more stories we can tell.







My love forever and always,

Krystina

From father to daughter-All the good men

Snuggling up with my Mum at night in my old room, the loneliness of the past seven months disappeared. My Dad having spent so many years working abroad is home and my little brother is piecing together the Lego I bought for him. 

My family is here with me.

My Dad reminded me that I must always be there to lend people a helping hand. What we value in others, we must try and become ourselves. He confirmed that I still have a lot to learn. Everybody in this world has something to teach you. Never shut anyone out. No matter the circumstances, keep calm, stay classy and carry on. It will all work out if you maintain your integrity and good character. I used to cringe when my Dad began one of his lectures but this time, I listened.

My Dad, always protective of my brother and I inquired if I had a boyfriend. I admitted to him I did not. Dad told me that everything in life carries an element of fate. When the time is right, the perfect person will come along. I just haven't met him yet. I opened up to my Dad that I have come across and let go of a lot of good guys. My Dad assured me that while some relationships are worth pursuing, others are better left alone. If for whatever reason it didn't work out, no matter how ideal the person seemed at the time, they were not the one. You are not looking for the perfect man full-stop. You are looking for the perfect man for you.

My Dad advised me; time is always on your side. Take time to really know somebody before assuming they are the one. The silliest mistakes are made out of impulse. Don't assume you know everything because frankly, you don't. You are only nineteen. But if your gut is telling you something about someone, you need to listen. This gut feeling is often the accumulation of past experiences. Don't be afraid of letting go. Never torture yourself because a relationship didn't work out. You will mature with each failure.

The trajectory of relationships can be unpredictable. Timing is critical for anything to move forward. It takes more than mere emotional compatibility for two people to be together. Attraction is important but if you don't have the same values, ethics and similar backgrounds, the chances of working out are very slim. Most importantly, your big picture towards what you want in life must be in sync or else it can never work.

My Dad said the most crucial thing for girls to understand is to maximize their own standards. I must never be someone's backup plan. They if they don't value me, they are not worth my time. If somebody really cares about you, they will find a way to let you know. When it feels like you are trying too hard, it's probably time to leave. He must factor you in his life.

I strongly believe when I do something, I must put in 100%. If I enter a serious commitment, I need to try and make it last. I must also remain dignified. Girls need a clear direction for their lives so they can stand on their own two feet. A smart girl knows she has two arms and two legs and cannot rely on anyone else. I need to own an abundance of strength and knowledge so I can be there for the ones I love.

'I wish I was strong enough to lift not one but both of us. Someday I will be strong enough to lift both of us.' 

When the time comes, you must handle situations maturely and considerately. There will always be complications when two people are trying to establish a life together which is why you need to remember to work things out, just the two of you. In a relationship, you need to sometimes carry the weight of both worlds on your shoulders. That's why if you can't even cope with your own frustrations, you are not mature enough to deal with another person's.

Find someone who values you and accepts your flaws. I repeat my Dad's words; it's not able finding the perfect man. It's about finding the perfect man for you. Be with someone who makes you feel safe and comfortable. Someone who supports your goals and ambitions. Someone who loves family and has that strong sense of responsibility. When you look for this person, open your eyes. Don't be emotional, be realistic. Don't look for status, look for potential. Don't look for charm, look for character. 

My Dad finished his talk with a reassuring reminder that I am surrounded by love enough to last me a lifetime. Being alone does not equate to being lonely. Even if I spend the rest of my life without a man by my side, I will still be okay. 

And I believe him. 

Remember, you are that one in a million.

My love forever and always,

Krystina