Starbucks and feeling homesick

I miss Starbucks. They don't have Starbucks where I live now. I remember back in high school, getting coffee was such a grown up thing to do. I only ever liked Starbucks coffee. I loved the Christmas editions. They were really yummy. And the green tea mocha. That always made me happy.

I'm feeling severely homesick. It's probably just the weather. Normally, during Winter breaks I would be headed somewhere with my family. This year, I'm stuck here. Alone. I guess. Not entirely alone. I have friends here. I have a job to do.

I just wish I can go back to the days where I would walk 20 minutes to my best friend's house in Newmarket and we would go and eat ice cream from the Korean market or have late dinner somewhere in the city. Most stores were open till a decent hour.

Being 16 doesn't feel like that long ago. Why do I feel so lonely tonight? Why am I craving for a coffee shop that I haven't set foot in for 7 months?

It's not the Starbucks I'm missing. I want to go home. I want to go back to high school. I don't like being 20. All this responsibility and stuff that is supposed to happen in the near future. Like maybe finding someone I want to be with. I'm in my 20's. I should be thinking about these things. Grown up things. I'm not a kid anymore. I hate that.

There is no age that I am currently looking forward to turning. I anticipated turning 18 because that meant I could legally drink alcohol. I soon discovered that alcohol was bad for me. So I gave that up.

I've experienced the parties, the alcohol, the guys, the girls, the butterflies, the rainbows, the hurt, the pain.

I've discovered that I don't like growing older. I don't like responsibility. I don't like waking up at 6am every morning. I don't like the idea of finally settling my thoughts.

I've also discovered something else. I don't like growing up but it's going to happen. I don't like responsibility but I like being independent. Waking up at 6am in the morning means a new day has arrived. And Starbucks isn't the only place that makes a decent cup of coffee.

So I've gone around in a circle. I tell you what I don't like and then I tell you that I can deal with it. I'm still feeling extremely homesick but I have pretty good company here too. And I'll figure out all this jazz about growing up as I go along.

I'll talk to you soon.


Krystina

From my heart to every girl: cheap items attract the most customers

It feels so good to have my two best friends back. They always manage to cheer me up and knock some sense into me when I'm out of my mind. I know in a few years time when we all graduate, I will miss these shared moments walking around in the scorching sun, talking about anything we feel like, cooking, grocery shopping and generally acting like idiots.

So we were discussing our plans for the next 10 or so years when it dawned upon me that I will be 30. I know I've been carrying the burdens of an adult for a while already but I don't do half the things that typical 20 something year olds do. My best friends and I don't stay out all night clubbing, we don't drink alcohol (mainly because I think it is a waste of money), we would rather go to the fruit market than the bar at night and spend time with our girlfriends than mingle with members of the opposite sex.

In other words, we are *dum dum dum*... BORING...

That depressed me. On my way home on Friday nights I often encounter girls wearing skimpy outfits heading the opposite direction to me. While I'm waiting for my bus so I can go home, exercise, shower and sleep, I bet these girls are getting it on with the men of the night. Maybe the 17 year old Krystina would have cared and put on her 7 inch heels, but I have since grown up. That is because I know, as my two best friends always tell me:

Cheap items attract the most customers.

My friend has recently taken the initiative to remind me that I am a diamond. Diamonds are rare, so rare that they cost a fortune to buy. Every girl wants to own a diamond but not every girl can afford one. Cubic ziraconias on the other hand are cheap so they are often used as substitutes. Great girls are like diamonds. They are hard to obtain but they they will never break or lose their shine. These girls will not be with every male who glance their way because they are waiting for the men who can actually afford them. The ones who are not willing to pay the price will go for the cheap cubic ziraconias. They appear more sparkly, probably wear well at first but their quality in the long run will deteriorate.

My friend told me the story about how one of her friends and her boyfriend fell in love. The girl in the story was very beautiful, family orientated, never partied and kept to her close friends. Her boyfriend was extremely extroverted, tall, handsome and attracts plenty of female attention. He fell in love with the girl in the story because he knew she was different. She had her set of values and cared about the people she chose to care about. She never tried to fit in or use her beauty to gain the attention of other men. He knew if he wanted a one night stand, he could easily find a girl at a club. But if he wanted someone who would love him and bring value into his life, he would need to work hard to win the girl over. And he did, eventually. These days, they enjoy cooking at home and cherishing each others' company. When a man knows his woman's worth, he would never throw her away. You wouldn't want to lose a diamond.

I'm telling you ladies, pretty much all single straight men want to sleep with you, if they get given the opportunity, they probably will. You need to remember that if somebody doesn't work hard for your affection, they will never know your value. You cannot sell yourself short of anything less than the price of a diamond. I know it makes me sound like an outright fussy bitch but you will thank me one day for telling you this. If your aim is a one night stand, be my guest and close this page. If you want a relationship that is meaningful where your man knows how much you mean to him, you must first eliminate all the men who are not willing to put themselves out there for you. You do this by rejecting any forms of physical intimate contact until they factor you as an important part of their lives and have earned your trust. If they are a good guy, they will still stick around to understand the real you. Reliability, honesty, integrity and respect all come into play at this point. At first, you may feel like you will never find someone who can meet up to your standards, but eventually, the right man will come along and pay for the diamond because he is convinced it will be worth it.  

Don't ever settle for anything less.





My love forever and always,

Krystina

Growing up and 'Chanel'

My friend wanted to introduce me to his favorite perfume for women called 'Coco Mademoiselle' by Chanel.

I had never smelt anything like it.

It reminded me of a 1940's black and white movie. Something classy, feminine, complicated, wise and very nostalgic.

I fell deeply in love with the scent and I was very tempted to buy it. To some extent I should have treated myself, I had been frugal for as long as I could remember. However, this time, I chose to walk away.

When I was a little girl, I saw how beautiful my Mother was (and still is) by appearance and by character. As a result, I wanted to grow up as quickly as possible. I would sit on the bed next to my Mother's dressing table and watch her go through her beauty routine. I remember the little case of Chanel face lotion that I could only smell but never touch. I wanted to grow up and discover my own piece of Chanel.

Chanel is more than a scent, it is the epitome of class and of being a woman. 

I can't pull it off right now. I don't have the level of maturity to be someone I would have looked up to as a little girl. I'm still trying to figure out who I am. I have a lot things to do, places to go and goals to accomplish.

Chanel stands for so much more than merely a perfume. It signifies what I ultimately want to be. Someone classy, someone wise, someone who holds herself up with dignity, value and maturity. All of that comes with growing up and experiencing life.

I can only hope that someday, my own children will sit next to my dressing table, see my spray on Chanel and dream about growing up a little faster themselves.

  
I know I will get there.





My love forever and always,

Krystina

From father to daughter-All the good men

Snuggling up with my Mum at night in my old room, the loneliness of the past seven months disappeared. My Dad having spent so many years working abroad is home and my little brother is piecing together the Lego I bought for him. 

My family is here with me.

My Dad reminded me that I must always be there to lend people a helping hand. What we value in others, we must try and become ourselves. He confirmed that I still have a lot to learn. Everybody in this world has something to teach you. Never shut anyone out. No matter the circumstances, keep calm, stay classy and carry on. It will all work out if you maintain your integrity and good character. I used to cringe when my Dad began one of his lectures but this time, I listened.

My Dad, always protective of my brother and I inquired if I had a boyfriend. I admitted to him I did not. Dad told me that everything in life carries an element of fate. When the time is right, the perfect person will come along. I just haven't met him yet. I opened up to my Dad that I have come across and let go of a lot of good guys. My Dad assured me that while some relationships are worth pursuing, others are better left alone. If for whatever reason it didn't work out, no matter how ideal the person seemed at the time, they were not the one. You are not looking for the perfect man full-stop. You are looking for the perfect man for you.

My Dad advised me; time is always on your side. Take time to really know somebody before assuming they are the one. The silliest mistakes are made out of impulse. Don't assume you know everything because frankly, you don't. You are only nineteen. But if your gut is telling you something about someone, you need to listen. This gut feeling is often the accumulation of past experiences. Don't be afraid of letting go. Never torture yourself because a relationship didn't work out. You will mature with each failure.

The trajectory of relationships can be unpredictable. Timing is critical for anything to move forward. It takes more than mere emotional compatibility for two people to be together. Attraction is important but if you don't have the same values, ethics and similar backgrounds, the chances of working out are very slim. Most importantly, your big picture towards what you want in life must be in sync or else it can never work.

My Dad said the most crucial thing for girls to understand is to maximize their own standards. I must never be someone's backup plan. They if they don't value me, they are not worth my time. If somebody really cares about you, they will find a way to let you know. When it feels like you are trying too hard, it's probably time to leave. He must factor you in his life.

I strongly believe when I do something, I must put in 100%. If I enter a serious commitment, I need to try and make it last. I must also remain dignified. Girls need a clear direction for their lives so they can stand on their own two feet. A smart girl knows she has two arms and two legs and cannot rely on anyone else. I need to own an abundance of strength and knowledge so I can be there for the ones I love.

'I wish I was strong enough to lift not one but both of us. Someday I will be strong enough to lift both of us.' 

When the time comes, you must handle situations maturely and considerately. There will always be complications when two people are trying to establish a life together which is why you need to remember to work things out, just the two of you. In a relationship, you need to sometimes carry the weight of both worlds on your shoulders. That's why if you can't even cope with your own frustrations, you are not mature enough to deal with another person's.

Find someone who values you and accepts your flaws. I repeat my Dad's words; it's not able finding the perfect man. It's about finding the perfect man for you. Be with someone who makes you feel safe and comfortable. Someone who supports your goals and ambitions. Someone who loves family and has that strong sense of responsibility. When you look for this person, open your eyes. Don't be emotional, be realistic. Don't look for status, look for potential. Don't look for charm, look for character. 

My Dad finished his talk with a reassuring reminder that I am surrounded by love enough to last me a lifetime. Being alone does not equate to being lonely. Even if I spend the rest of my life without a man by my side, I will still be okay. 

And I believe him. 

Remember, you are that one in a million.

My love forever and always,

Krystina

Superman

When I was eight, my teacher asked me to draw Superman. I sketched planet earth. I drew a man wearing a red cap with Elvis Presley hair lifting earth with one giant hand. My conceptualization of superman was a hero who could protect me from all forms of danger. Among all the people I was aware of at that time, my Superman alternated between my Dad and a younger version of Bon Jovi. Needless to say, I envisioned him to be reliable, perdurable and occasionally, very handsome.

One day, I read a short story called 'Superman and Paula Brown's new snow suit' by Sylvia Plath. If you have ever read it, you will know it is the coming of age tale about a girl who compared her Uncle to Superman but eventually came to terms with the reality that Superman didn't exist. I wondered for a long time if Plath was right. Like the narrator of the story, was I only prepping myself for a huge disappointment?

I spent a number of years sheltered in a girls school. When I skipped a year and ventured into the real world, I comprehended the confinement that was my past. At school when you didn't understand something, the teachers helped you. When something went wrong, you spoke to your parents and they fixed it for you. No mattered what happened, it seemed like someone would be there to make things right.

Learning to be my own Superhero was a difficult task to accomplish. Moving away from home and the security that I never imagined I would miss, I felt lonely. I blew my entire month's spending on unwanted furniture and lived off bread for two weeks. I finally couldn't stand it any longer. Sitting alone in my room under the 40 degree heat, I called home. My Dad's response to my woes was that he would deposit some more money so I could buy a fan and some food. In the meantime, I just had to find a way to survive. Sylvia Plath's story found a way back into my memory. My Dad was no Superhero. I was disappointed. I was also relieved. We never did find out what happened to the main character, the narrator. Plath left the ending open for the readers to decide for themselves.

I decided Superman was never going to fly through my bedroom window and offer me food. Still, I wanted to find a way to provide the narrator in Plath's story with a happy ending.

A couple of nights later, I took the wrong bus to somewhere I had never been before. My first instinct was to call someone, anyone. Call Superman perhaps? My second reaction was to close my eyes and try to fall asleep. I knew neither plan would take me home. After a frightful few hours of successfully navigating my way through the dark, I had an epiphany. Maybe Superman does exist.

When we need a hero, somehow we will find a way to pull ourselves through.








This is just a short piece of writing I came up with before I head off to Melbourne with April. After three days in Melbourne I will return home to my old bed. I know I will have plenty to update you on while I'm floundering my way through the big city. My sense of direction is atrocious. Thankfully my best friend is with me, she can be my Superman for the next three days. I am going to go and start packing for my trip.

Remember.

My love forever and always,

Krystina