The true meaning of love

We all have a different definition of happiness. A few years back, mine would have been somewhere along the lines of: I want to be like Carrie in Sex and the City. Single, carefree, living in a little apartment in New York with a wardrobe filled with designer clothing.

Then I grew up, I hit my 20’s. I started studying for a degree, working and taking on more responsibility. The days grew longer, the nights shorter and everyday began to feel like a lonely battle going from place to place getting things done. Happiness didn’t come from that huge milestone, looking forward to a big party or reaching a certain birthday, it began to resonate from the little moments. Like going for a walk, reading a book, having a day off to catch up on my favourite TV show. And I realized that no matter how great somebody’s life seems to be, we are all given 24 hours in a day. No more, no less. The world doesn’t feel like such a big place when you think about that way.

At the end of the day, we are all dying. Each of us at our own pace. But the destination is inescapable. When you think about it that way, you can really put life into perspective. Time is something that you can never buy back. Find out what you want in life, what matters and fight hard for it. Today's post is about love. It's true version, the stripped down unmediated version. Love is undeniably what each and everyone of us is looking for in some form or another.

I want what every girl wants. I want to find someone who loves me. I want to wake up everyday feeling like I’m the happiest girl in the world. Not because he’s perfect or that life is always easy but because love itself is selfless and patient and kind. And when you’re with the right person, you won’t judge them, compare them or devalue them because you know that life is too short for that.  

Many of us dream that the perfect man takes a certain form, is a particular height, a specific profession etc. etc. But you know something? Love isn’t a dream, it’s happening right before our very eyes. He might not be as tall as you want him to be as attentive as you expect him to be or as good-looking but life brought you together for a reason. If he’s willing to see the best in you, help you through the hard times, work on your relationship and improve himself for the better, God put someone amazing in your life. Love is still patient but it’s not easy. Being in love and love are two completely different concepts. Being in love is experiencing the excitement and the fuzzy cuddles and the long awaited phone calls every night, loving someone is listening to their problems, facing your fears together and fighting the unknown. You can’t say you were never fated to be together when you chose to give up at the last hurdle. There is no easy path. It depends how much you want to be together. I hear a lot of people say that long distance relationships never work because it’s too hard. You know what? I have friends who have survived the distance because they accepted it wasn’t going to be easy because falling out of love is all too acceptable when you spend months and months apart but these are the people who really understand how to love.

True love means somebody else’s happiness matters to you more than your own. You can sit with your significant other through the darkness because you love them and that is all the reasoning you require. True love means that you can go through the tedious moments of everyday together and still feel content when you fall asleep at night. I’ll be honest with you, I’ve never felt so scared in my whole entire life. I don’t like knowing that time is transient and that love isn’t as easy or perfect as the media makes it out to be. But we can’t fear when we can’t control. We all want to be loved. It's as simple as that. So need to fight to make it happen.

Nothing good is ever easy. A love that lasts is a love that goes through trials and triumphs. If you are both willing to put aside your differences and support each other, you might be the couple who will make it until the end.   

"How did you manage to stay together for 65 years?" The woman replied, "We were born in a time when if something was broken we would fix it, not throw it away." 

From my heart to every girl: cheap items attract the most customers

It feels so good to have my two best friends back. They always manage to cheer me up and knock some sense into me when I'm out of my mind. I know in a few years time when we all graduate, I will miss these shared moments walking around in the scorching sun, talking about anything we feel like, cooking, grocery shopping and generally acting like idiots.

So we were discussing our plans for the next 10 or so years when it dawned upon me that I will be 30. I know I've been carrying the burdens of an adult for a while already but I don't do half the things that typical 20 something year olds do. My best friends and I don't stay out all night clubbing, we don't drink alcohol (mainly because I think it is a waste of money), we would rather go to the fruit market than the bar at night and spend time with our girlfriends than mingle with members of the opposite sex.

In other words, we are *dum dum dum*... BORING...

That depressed me. On my way home on Friday nights I often encounter girls wearing skimpy outfits heading the opposite direction to me. While I'm waiting for my bus so I can go home, exercise, shower and sleep, I bet these girls are getting it on with the men of the night. Maybe the 17 year old Krystina would have cared and put on her 7 inch heels, but I have since grown up. That is because I know, as my two best friends always tell me:

Cheap items attract the most customers.

My friend has recently taken the initiative to remind me that I am a diamond. Diamonds are rare, so rare that they cost a fortune to buy. Every girl wants to own a diamond but not every girl can afford one. Cubic ziraconias on the other hand are cheap so they are often used as substitutes. Great girls are like diamonds. They are hard to obtain but they they will never break or lose their shine. These girls will not be with every male who glance their way because they are waiting for the men who can actually afford them. The ones who are not willing to pay the price will go for the cheap cubic ziraconias. They appear more sparkly, probably wear well at first but their quality in the long run will deteriorate.

My friend told me the story about how one of her friends and her boyfriend fell in love. The girl in the story was very beautiful, family orientated, never partied and kept to her close friends. Her boyfriend was extremely extroverted, tall, handsome and attracts plenty of female attention. He fell in love with the girl in the story because he knew she was different. She had her set of values and cared about the people she chose to care about. She never tried to fit in or use her beauty to gain the attention of other men. He knew if he wanted a one night stand, he could easily find a girl at a club. But if he wanted someone who would love him and bring value into his life, he would need to work hard to win the girl over. And he did, eventually. These days, they enjoy cooking at home and cherishing each others' company. When a man knows his woman's worth, he would never throw her away. You wouldn't want to lose a diamond.

I'm telling you ladies, pretty much all single straight men want to sleep with you, if they get given the opportunity, they probably will. You need to remember that if somebody doesn't work hard for your affection, they will never know your value. You cannot sell yourself short of anything less than the price of a diamond. I know it makes me sound like an outright fussy bitch but you will thank me one day for telling you this. If your aim is a one night stand, be my guest and close this page. If you want a relationship that is meaningful where your man knows how much you mean to him, you must first eliminate all the men who are not willing to put themselves out there for you. You do this by rejecting any forms of physical intimate contact until they factor you as an important part of their lives and have earned your trust. If they are a good guy, they will still stick around to understand the real you. Reliability, honesty, integrity and respect all come into play at this point. At first, you may feel like you will never find someone who can meet up to your standards, but eventually, the right man will come along and pay for the diamond because he is convinced it will be worth it.  

Don't ever settle for anything less.





My love forever and always,

Krystina

From father to daughter-All the good men

Snuggling up with my Mum at night in my old room, the loneliness of the past seven months disappeared. My Dad having spent so many years working abroad is home and my little brother is piecing together the Lego I bought for him. 

My family is here with me.

My Dad reminded me that I must always be there to lend people a helping hand. What we value in others, we must try and become ourselves. He confirmed that I still have a lot to learn. Everybody in this world has something to teach you. Never shut anyone out. No matter the circumstances, keep calm, stay classy and carry on. It will all work out if you maintain your integrity and good character. I used to cringe when my Dad began one of his lectures but this time, I listened.

My Dad, always protective of my brother and I inquired if I had a boyfriend. I admitted to him I did not. Dad told me that everything in life carries an element of fate. When the time is right, the perfect person will come along. I just haven't met him yet. I opened up to my Dad that I have come across and let go of a lot of good guys. My Dad assured me that while some relationships are worth pursuing, others are better left alone. If for whatever reason it didn't work out, no matter how ideal the person seemed at the time, they were not the one. You are not looking for the perfect man full-stop. You are looking for the perfect man for you.

My Dad advised me; time is always on your side. Take time to really know somebody before assuming they are the one. The silliest mistakes are made out of impulse. Don't assume you know everything because frankly, you don't. You are only nineteen. But if your gut is telling you something about someone, you need to listen. This gut feeling is often the accumulation of past experiences. Don't be afraid of letting go. Never torture yourself because a relationship didn't work out. You will mature with each failure.

The trajectory of relationships can be unpredictable. Timing is critical for anything to move forward. It takes more than mere emotional compatibility for two people to be together. Attraction is important but if you don't have the same values, ethics and similar backgrounds, the chances of working out are very slim. Most importantly, your big picture towards what you want in life must be in sync or else it can never work.

My Dad said the most crucial thing for girls to understand is to maximize their own standards. I must never be someone's backup plan. They if they don't value me, they are not worth my time. If somebody really cares about you, they will find a way to let you know. When it feels like you are trying too hard, it's probably time to leave. He must factor you in his life.

I strongly believe when I do something, I must put in 100%. If I enter a serious commitment, I need to try and make it last. I must also remain dignified. Girls need a clear direction for their lives so they can stand on their own two feet. A smart girl knows she has two arms and two legs and cannot rely on anyone else. I need to own an abundance of strength and knowledge so I can be there for the ones I love.

'I wish I was strong enough to lift not one but both of us. Someday I will be strong enough to lift both of us.' 

When the time comes, you must handle situations maturely and considerately. There will always be complications when two people are trying to establish a life together which is why you need to remember to work things out, just the two of you. In a relationship, you need to sometimes carry the weight of both worlds on your shoulders. That's why if you can't even cope with your own frustrations, you are not mature enough to deal with another person's.

Find someone who values you and accepts your flaws. I repeat my Dad's words; it's not able finding the perfect man. It's about finding the perfect man for you. Be with someone who makes you feel safe and comfortable. Someone who supports your goals and ambitions. Someone who loves family and has that strong sense of responsibility. When you look for this person, open your eyes. Don't be emotional, be realistic. Don't look for status, look for potential. Don't look for charm, look for character. 

My Dad finished his talk with a reassuring reminder that I am surrounded by love enough to last me a lifetime. Being alone does not equate to being lonely. Even if I spend the rest of my life without a man by my side, I will still be okay. 

And I believe him. 

Remember, you are that one in a million.

My love forever and always,

Krystina