Take my hand, walk with me, we will find a home for your heart

'Take my hand, walk with me, we all need to grow up.'

Take my hand, walk with me, we will find a home for your heart.'

When I was living in Auckland, I was part of a group of post 1990's Asians growing up in a foreign country. I had an amazing childhood because everywhere I looked I could see a familiar face. 

I had never envisioned in a million years that anywhere else could be any different. My parents told me at the end of high school, that in the real world, far away from Auckland, the oriental look isn't the norm. No matter how fantastic or amazing of a person you are, there will be plenty of people out there who won't appreciate the way you look. Don't take these things personally. It is just how the world works. You look at the number of really beautiful Asian actresses and actors trying to make it in Hollywood, yet, despite their efforts they will won't become the Angelina Jolies or the Tom Cruises. Sometimes you just have to accept that as a minority, you are not ugly, you are different. And difference isn't bad.

I just wish that all of the amazing Asian men and women who grew up in other places around the world that are not as accepting of difference didn't have to go through this extreme amount of self-depreciation and self-hatred.

The hardest part of all of this is that most of these people become moulded into someone they never wanted to be. The toughest people, the ones you don't fuck with, they wither and bend as they realize they cannot control their own place in society. As a result, they try and fit in even if it means they have to throw away every single value they had grown up with.

And now I'm part of this culture. Where I now live, if you're Asian you're most likely an international student or a FOB (Fresh Of The Boat). People like me who grew up overseas are extremely rare. I know that no matter how hard I try, I will never completely become what society is trying to force upon me. I grew up in a very traditional Asian household. Yet, I grew up surrounded by Western Culture evident in the programmes and music I listened to. So, now I'm stuck at a cross-road trying to figure out where to go. But you know what I have learned?

I'm going to work my butt off and I am going to be a good person. Anyone who judges me or tries to push down my standards should really judge me by my character. Because I'm still Asian, I'm an oriental doll, not a porcelain one. And I am never ever going to let my upbringing slip. I'm beautiful in my own way which is the most beautiful a person can ever be. 

I'm not scared of any of this. I'm not trying to be Caucasian. If I spend my life trying to something I'm not, I will live with no light and no joy. If somebody wants to judge me, take a look at my character and then see if you can still pre-judge me. And this is to all the people out there like me. Don't ever think you are not good enough. Go after exactly what you want and work hard to establish your own place in society. 

Only then you will have found a home for your heart.

He's not your prince if you're not his princess

Chinese actress Fan Bing Bing said in an interview that the best girls are often the last ones to marry or settle down because most guys don't go so far to reach them. There is the fear that they will get rejected so they reach for something at the bottom of the pile.

And the girls who make great mothers, career women, wives and lifelong companions are left wondering what happened. Why do guys just give up when they could have obtained something amazing.

But you know what I now know? One of my best friends wrote on her blog, 'God saves the best for last'. He really does.

There will be that one guy who is brave enough to climb to the top and reach for you. He knows that the risk of him falling to get to you is worth every effort he has to go to. You just have to wait it out.

I'm not suggesting to you to look for something that isn't there or to fall for the Prince Charming fantasy but to be patient and wait for someone who genuinely believes there is something about you that will enrich his life.

Trust me when I tell you that this person will find their way to you. And that's what you should be looking and waiting for. He will be Mr. Right for you because you were 'the girl' and not 'a girl' that he wanted. There can only be one princess in every decent fairytale.

And there will only be one real prince. The others are just losers wrapped in tinfoil.

Don't give up hope. Ever.




My love forever and always,

Krystina

You are your greatest asset

 

I remember reading an article online that challenged the idea of confidence. Confidence, the author believed in today's society is often contingent upon a certain social status, a flashy car, that big house or a pay raise at work. Human beings are constantly seeking and hoping for more. And we often fall short of these expectations. If we build our confidence and our happiness around things, when they are taken away from us, our sense of identity may be destroyed.

My parents once told me, when you look for a husband, don't base his value on the happy moments you have shared together, when everything seemed to be perfect. Don't make your judgement relying on his status, his job or the amount of stuff that he owns. Anybody can be confident when the road appears bright and blissful. What happens when things do go wrong? When he doesn't get that big promotion and you end up living together in a tiny little shack. How will he cope? More importantly, will he still love you, in the same way as before? When a person prioritizes his house or job as number one, the relationship will fall number two. You only have the capacity to love so much in life.

Real confidence comes from those moments when you have nothing to base your value on but yourself. You are the only asset you own. Not your car, your house, your job but you as a whole and complete person. Possessions can be as easily taken away from you as when you obtained them. After all, they are just things. Billionaire Warren Buffett lives in the same five bedroom house he bought in the 1950's and drives a fairly modest car. What I love about this man is that he knows what matters. You can take away the staggering $58 billion fortune he has made and he will still be Warren Buffett. He hasn't changed himself or his definition of happiness because of the amount of things he can now buy.

You need to tell yourself every single day that you are still you no matter the circumstances. You may be going through a rocky patch or facing a brick wall but that doesn't make you more or less as a person. Who you are is something nobody can ever take away from you. You are your own greatest asset.

You can take away my suits, you can take away my home, but there's one thing you can never take away from me:

I am Iron Man.

The true meaning of love

We all have a different definition of happiness. A few years back, mine would have been somewhere along the lines of: I want to be like Carrie in Sex and the City. Single, carefree, living in a little apartment in New York with a wardrobe filled with designer clothing.

Then I grew up, I hit my 20’s. I started studying for a degree, working and taking on more responsibility. The days grew longer, the nights shorter and everyday began to feel like a lonely battle going from place to place getting things done. Happiness didn’t come from that huge milestone, looking forward to a big party or reaching a certain birthday, it began to resonate from the little moments. Like going for a walk, reading a book, having a day off to catch up on my favourite TV show. And I realized that no matter how great somebody’s life seems to be, we are all given 24 hours in a day. No more, no less. The world doesn’t feel like such a big place when you think about that way.

At the end of the day, we are all dying. Each of us at our own pace. But the destination is inescapable. When you think about it that way, you can really put life into perspective. Time is something that you can never buy back. Find out what you want in life, what matters and fight hard for it. Today's post is about love. It's true version, the stripped down unmediated version. Love is undeniably what each and everyone of us is looking for in some form or another.

I want what every girl wants. I want to find someone who loves me. I want to wake up everyday feeling like I’m the happiest girl in the world. Not because he’s perfect or that life is always easy but because love itself is selfless and patient and kind. And when you’re with the right person, you won’t judge them, compare them or devalue them because you know that life is too short for that.  

Many of us dream that the perfect man takes a certain form, is a particular height, a specific profession etc. etc. But you know something? Love isn’t a dream, it’s happening right before our very eyes. He might not be as tall as you want him to be as attentive as you expect him to be or as good-looking but life brought you together for a reason. If he’s willing to see the best in you, help you through the hard times, work on your relationship and improve himself for the better, God put someone amazing in your life. Love is still patient but it’s not easy. Being in love and love are two completely different concepts. Being in love is experiencing the excitement and the fuzzy cuddles and the long awaited phone calls every night, loving someone is listening to their problems, facing your fears together and fighting the unknown. You can’t say you were never fated to be together when you chose to give up at the last hurdle. There is no easy path. It depends how much you want to be together. I hear a lot of people say that long distance relationships never work because it’s too hard. You know what? I have friends who have survived the distance because they accepted it wasn’t going to be easy because falling out of love is all too acceptable when you spend months and months apart but these are the people who really understand how to love.

True love means somebody else’s happiness matters to you more than your own. You can sit with your significant other through the darkness because you love them and that is all the reasoning you require. True love means that you can go through the tedious moments of everyday together and still feel content when you fall asleep at night. I’ll be honest with you, I’ve never felt so scared in my whole entire life. I don’t like knowing that time is transient and that love isn’t as easy or perfect as the media makes it out to be. But we can’t fear when we can’t control. We all want to be loved. It's as simple as that. So need to fight to make it happen.

Nothing good is ever easy. A love that lasts is a love that goes through trials and triumphs. If you are both willing to put aside your differences and support each other, you might be the couple who will make it until the end.   

"How did you manage to stay together for 65 years?" The woman replied, "We were born in a time when if something was broken we would fix it, not throw it away." 

Finding happiness: my journey closer to God

I had an epiphany today. Nearly all my unhappiness, my worries, my uncertainties are results of my slow drift away from my belief. I was raised Christian. Both my parents have held on to this belief that God not only exists but he loves everyone of us. And that only when I grow closer to him can I be 'truly happy.'

I remember my first Bible. My Mum had carefully selected all of the stories she believed would interest me. There was Noah's Ark, and the birth of Jesus among many biblical stories. I held on to every word. It made me feel safe knowing that there is a God who watches over me, this little scrawny girl who wasn't anybody special. That thought helped me grow through the years. I wasn't the smartest person entering high school but I worked really hard and I managed to achieve results I never knew was possible at the time.

Then, something happened. I started to doubt myself. I wasn't sure where to find my source of happiness. I drifted away at one point from my belief because I couldn't find that connection anymore. But I still prayed. Every night. I have been saying the same prayer for the last 15 years. I add bits and pieces to it but I pray for other people, I pray for myself and I thank God for everything he has done for me.

I relied on people to make me feel secure. I was a firm believer that all people are kind and good and wanted the best for me. I was wrong. I remember one night, I sat on my bed feeling completely alone. One of my best friends called me on Skype and I explained to her that I wasn't sure where my life was heading and why I was so unhappy. I didn't know what was missing. She thought about it and the next day, as promised, she sent me an email. She explained to me that the reason she found her purpose in life was because she believes God exists. Therefore she believes goodness exists. Her belief made her happy because she knows that there is more to life than our own selfish needs. We can do something for other people because God has done so much for us.

It took me another couple of months to realize what she meant. I believe in signs and one arrived right outside my doorstep. I had just finished my running session at the gym when I saw students wearing blue hoodies holding notices outside. I began talking to one of the girls and she explained that they were a Christian group. I was informed of the location of their Church. It was right across the road to the place I resided in. I had no reason not to check it out.

So check it out I did. And something pulled me, it tugged at my heart-strings. I no longer felt lonely. I can't explain why, or how but I can tell you that I felt a sense of connection once again. And it was subtle at first. I began to see things and people in a different light. I no longer wanted to be friends with people for the sake of not being alone. I wanted to be surrounded by people who cared about me and I wanted to be selfless again. People will always hurt you. And I accept that now when I once didn't, or couldn't. I understand that we are all selfish to a certain degree but there is a difference between protecting ourselves and favoring ourselves. As competitive as law school is, at the end of the day we are all human. So why not help each other out when you can? Why not want the best for people? Why not be grateful for what you have? Especially as now I've returned home to see my family, I can see that status, prestige and wealth cannot guarantee you a happy life. I want to see people happy. Whether they care about me or not.

I am a million times happier now than I have been in a long long time. I still care, I still work hard but I know what matters at the end of the day. And I'm grateful. So grateful. All the signs have guided me home.

I still have a lot of reflecting to do. How to be a better person every day. How to be closer to God. I need to look into myself and work out how to do that. I need to surround myself with good people, people who want the best for me. People I can give unconditional love to. And I must always remember that God not only exists but his love is greater than I can ever imagine.

A famous father's poem to his son

Famous Chinese actor 陈建斌 wrote a really beautiful poem to his young son. It's called: Too much happiness. I've translated it so it may not be exactly like the original but nonetheless it's still really heart warming. 陈建斌 said this poem is for his son to read when he is older and it will teach him how to live life 'happily.'

Too much happiness

If you ask me to sing, I will sing.
If you ask me to dance, I will dance.
If you want to watch a movie, I will take you to Hollywood.

If you run, I will follow.
If you stop, I will rest.
If you want to fly, I will wait for you to land.

Don't worry about what other people think, you will find someone who understands you,
Don't worry about life's difficulties, it can only get better.

To find ourselves, there is nothing we should be afraid of.
To find happiness, there is nothing that should stop us.

If you want to jump, I will ask you how high.
If you want to spin, I will ask you how many times.

You are young, you are naive,
You came into this world so long after me,
Yet I traveled the entire world just to find you.

Where did you come from?
Where are you going?
Why have you entered my heart?

Your tears and smiles melt my heart
So that it becomes a real heart.

Just laugh

My little brother is one of the happiest people I know. I miss him a lot when he is not around me. I remember when I used to get mad at him, he would say to me. 'Krystina, just laugh.'

Laughter is the best medicine. Finding the simple happiness in frivolous things. Like dancing in the rain. Or hugging a friend. Or singing in the shower.

I did something today that I never knew I could do. I took my brother's words and applied them. After surviving on two hours of sleep and copious cups of coffee, I was dizzy and tired. I sat at my desk staring at the giant white folders not knowing where to begin. I needed to clear my mind of any distractions whether it be exhaustion or hunger or frustration. So, I did something extraordinary...

I said: "Krystina, just laugh."

So I smiled and took out the first folder. A simple change of attitude can shape the course of your day. I had never felt freer, or more jovial.

I also remember something else my brother said to me. A few years ago, I came home crying because I failed one of my maths papers. My brother was really little at the time, he said to me: "You looked so much prettier smiling."

Children are extremely honest.  They can distinguish between real beauty and the images that society tries to implant into our minds infested with makeup and plastic surgery and breast enhancing techniques. Real beauty comes from real happiness. Real happiness comes knowing that life is wonderful. And that thought will turn into a smile. That smile will lead to laughter.

So you should just laugh.

Next time someone breaks your heart, laugh. Tell yourself it's okay because laughing through the rain means you know that there is a rainbow waiting at the other end.

Next time you don't win the race, laugh. Tell yourself that laughing through defeat means you are ready to run again.

Next time you doubt yourself, laugh. Tell yourself that laughing at your imperfections shows that you are accepting that you are only human.

Next time when someone tells you that you are not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, laugh. Tell yourself that you are laughing because these people do not know you. They do not know that trying to push you down will only make you stronger.

Next time you feel overwhelmed, stressed, hurt, angry or sad. LAUGH. Laughter will not erase all the pain but it will remind you that you are still alive. Life will always open its arms out to you waiting for you to embrace it.

So just laugh.