The true meaning of love

We all have a different definition of happiness. A few years back, mine would have been somewhere along the lines of: I want to be like Carrie in Sex and the City. Single, carefree, living in a little apartment in New York with a wardrobe filled with designer clothing.

Then I grew up, I hit my 20’s. I started studying for a degree, working and taking on more responsibility. The days grew longer, the nights shorter and everyday began to feel like a lonely battle going from place to place getting things done. Happiness didn’t come from that huge milestone, looking forward to a big party or reaching a certain birthday, it began to resonate from the little moments. Like going for a walk, reading a book, having a day off to catch up on my favourite TV show. And I realized that no matter how great somebody’s life seems to be, we are all given 24 hours in a day. No more, no less. The world doesn’t feel like such a big place when you think about that way.

At the end of the day, we are all dying. Each of us at our own pace. But the destination is inescapable. When you think about it that way, you can really put life into perspective. Time is something that you can never buy back. Find out what you want in life, what matters and fight hard for it. Today's post is about love. It's true version, the stripped down unmediated version. Love is undeniably what each and everyone of us is looking for in some form or another.

I want what every girl wants. I want to find someone who loves me. I want to wake up everyday feeling like I’m the happiest girl in the world. Not because he’s perfect or that life is always easy but because love itself is selfless and patient and kind. And when you’re with the right person, you won’t judge them, compare them or devalue them because you know that life is too short for that.  

Many of us dream that the perfect man takes a certain form, is a particular height, a specific profession etc. etc. But you know something? Love isn’t a dream, it’s happening right before our very eyes. He might not be as tall as you want him to be as attentive as you expect him to be or as good-looking but life brought you together for a reason. If he’s willing to see the best in you, help you through the hard times, work on your relationship and improve himself for the better, God put someone amazing in your life. Love is still patient but it’s not easy. Being in love and love are two completely different concepts. Being in love is experiencing the excitement and the fuzzy cuddles and the long awaited phone calls every night, loving someone is listening to their problems, facing your fears together and fighting the unknown. You can’t say you were never fated to be together when you chose to give up at the last hurdle. There is no easy path. It depends how much you want to be together. I hear a lot of people say that long distance relationships never work because it’s too hard. You know what? I have friends who have survived the distance because they accepted it wasn’t going to be easy because falling out of love is all too acceptable when you spend months and months apart but these are the people who really understand how to love.

True love means somebody else’s happiness matters to you more than your own. You can sit with your significant other through the darkness because you love them and that is all the reasoning you require. True love means that you can go through the tedious moments of everyday together and still feel content when you fall asleep at night. I’ll be honest with you, I’ve never felt so scared in my whole entire life. I don’t like knowing that time is transient and that love isn’t as easy or perfect as the media makes it out to be. But we can’t fear when we can’t control. We all want to be loved. It's as simple as that. So need to fight to make it happen.

Nothing good is ever easy. A love that lasts is a love that goes through trials and triumphs. If you are both willing to put aside your differences and support each other, you might be the couple who will make it until the end.   

"How did you manage to stay together for 65 years?" The woman replied, "We were born in a time when if something was broken we would fix it, not throw it away." 

Finding happiness: my journey closer to God

I had an epiphany today. Nearly all my unhappiness, my worries, my uncertainties are results of my slow drift away from my belief. I was raised Christian. Both my parents have held on to this belief that God not only exists but he loves everyone of us. And that only when I grow closer to him can I be 'truly happy.'

I remember my first Bible. My Mum had carefully selected all of the stories she believed would interest me. There was Noah's Ark, and the birth of Jesus among many biblical stories. I held on to every word. It made me feel safe knowing that there is a God who watches over me, this little scrawny girl who wasn't anybody special. That thought helped me grow through the years. I wasn't the smartest person entering high school but I worked really hard and I managed to achieve results I never knew was possible at the time.

Then, something happened. I started to doubt myself. I wasn't sure where to find my source of happiness. I drifted away at one point from my belief because I couldn't find that connection anymore. But I still prayed. Every night. I have been saying the same prayer for the last 15 years. I add bits and pieces to it but I pray for other people, I pray for myself and I thank God for everything he has done for me.

I relied on people to make me feel secure. I was a firm believer that all people are kind and good and wanted the best for me. I was wrong. I remember one night, I sat on my bed feeling completely alone. One of my best friends called me on Skype and I explained to her that I wasn't sure where my life was heading and why I was so unhappy. I didn't know what was missing. She thought about it and the next day, as promised, she sent me an email. She explained to me that the reason she found her purpose in life was because she believes God exists. Therefore she believes goodness exists. Her belief made her happy because she knows that there is more to life than our own selfish needs. We can do something for other people because God has done so much for us.

It took me another couple of months to realize what she meant. I believe in signs and one arrived right outside my doorstep. I had just finished my running session at the gym when I saw students wearing blue hoodies holding notices outside. I began talking to one of the girls and she explained that they were a Christian group. I was informed of the location of their Church. It was right across the road to the place I resided in. I had no reason not to check it out.

So check it out I did. And something pulled me, it tugged at my heart-strings. I no longer felt lonely. I can't explain why, or how but I can tell you that I felt a sense of connection once again. And it was subtle at first. I began to see things and people in a different light. I no longer wanted to be friends with people for the sake of not being alone. I wanted to be surrounded by people who cared about me and I wanted to be selfless again. People will always hurt you. And I accept that now when I once didn't, or couldn't. I understand that we are all selfish to a certain degree but there is a difference between protecting ourselves and favoring ourselves. As competitive as law school is, at the end of the day we are all human. So why not help each other out when you can? Why not want the best for people? Why not be grateful for what you have? Especially as now I've returned home to see my family, I can see that status, prestige and wealth cannot guarantee you a happy life. I want to see people happy. Whether they care about me or not.

I am a million times happier now than I have been in a long long time. I still care, I still work hard but I know what matters at the end of the day. And I'm grateful. So grateful. All the signs have guided me home.

I still have a lot of reflecting to do. How to be a better person every day. How to be closer to God. I need to look into myself and work out how to do that. I need to surround myself with good people, people who want the best for me. People I can give unconditional love to. And I must always remember that God not only exists but his love is greater than I can ever imagine.

A famous father's poem to his son

Famous Chinese actor 陈建斌 wrote a really beautiful poem to his young son. It's called: Too much happiness. I've translated it so it may not be exactly like the original but nonetheless it's still really heart warming. 陈建斌 said this poem is for his son to read when he is older and it will teach him how to live life 'happily.'

Too much happiness

If you ask me to sing, I will sing.
If you ask me to dance, I will dance.
If you want to watch a movie, I will take you to Hollywood.

If you run, I will follow.
If you stop, I will rest.
If you want to fly, I will wait for you to land.

Don't worry about what other people think, you will find someone who understands you,
Don't worry about life's difficulties, it can only get better.

To find ourselves, there is nothing we should be afraid of.
To find happiness, there is nothing that should stop us.

If you want to jump, I will ask you how high.
If you want to spin, I will ask you how many times.

You are young, you are naive,
You came into this world so long after me,
Yet I traveled the entire world just to find you.

Where did you come from?
Where are you going?
Why have you entered my heart?

Your tears and smiles melt my heart
So that it becomes a real heart.

Just laugh

My little brother is one of the happiest people I know. I miss him a lot when he is not around me. I remember when I used to get mad at him, he would say to me. 'Krystina, just laugh.'

Laughter is the best medicine. Finding the simple happiness in frivolous things. Like dancing in the rain. Or hugging a friend. Or singing in the shower.

I did something today that I never knew I could do. I took my brother's words and applied them. After surviving on two hours of sleep and copious cups of coffee, I was dizzy and tired. I sat at my desk staring at the giant white folders not knowing where to begin. I needed to clear my mind of any distractions whether it be exhaustion or hunger or frustration. So, I did something extraordinary...

I said: "Krystina, just laugh."

So I smiled and took out the first folder. A simple change of attitude can shape the course of your day. I had never felt freer, or more jovial.

I also remember something else my brother said to me. A few years ago, I came home crying because I failed one of my maths papers. My brother was really little at the time, he said to me: "You looked so much prettier smiling."

Children are extremely honest.  They can distinguish between real beauty and the images that society tries to implant into our minds infested with makeup and plastic surgery and breast enhancing techniques. Real beauty comes from real happiness. Real happiness comes knowing that life is wonderful. And that thought will turn into a smile. That smile will lead to laughter.

So you should just laugh.

Next time someone breaks your heart, laugh. Tell yourself it's okay because laughing through the rain means you know that there is a rainbow waiting at the other end.

Next time you don't win the race, laugh. Tell yourself that laughing through defeat means you are ready to run again.

Next time you doubt yourself, laugh. Tell yourself that laughing at your imperfections shows that you are accepting that you are only human.

Next time when someone tells you that you are not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, laugh. Tell yourself that you are laughing because these people do not know you. They do not know that trying to push you down will only make you stronger.

Next time you feel overwhelmed, stressed, hurt, angry or sad. LAUGH. Laughter will not erase all the pain but it will remind you that you are still alive. Life will always open its arms out to you waiting for you to embrace it.

So just laugh.

Starbucks and feeling homesick

I miss Starbucks. They don't have Starbucks where I live now. I remember back in high school, getting coffee was such a grown up thing to do. I only ever liked Starbucks coffee. I loved the Christmas editions. They were really yummy. And the green tea mocha. That always made me happy.

I'm feeling severely homesick. It's probably just the weather. Normally, during Winter breaks I would be headed somewhere with my family. This year, I'm stuck here. Alone. I guess. Not entirely alone. I have friends here. I have a job to do.

I just wish I can go back to the days where I would walk 20 minutes to my best friend's house in Newmarket and we would go and eat ice cream from the Korean market or have late dinner somewhere in the city. Most stores were open till a decent hour.

Being 16 doesn't feel like that long ago. Why do I feel so lonely tonight? Why am I craving for a coffee shop that I haven't set foot in for 7 months?

It's not the Starbucks I'm missing. I want to go home. I want to go back to high school. I don't like being 20. All this responsibility and stuff that is supposed to happen in the near future. Like maybe finding someone I want to be with. I'm in my 20's. I should be thinking about these things. Grown up things. I'm not a kid anymore. I hate that.

There is no age that I am currently looking forward to turning. I anticipated turning 18 because that meant I could legally drink alcohol. I soon discovered that alcohol was bad for me. So I gave that up.

I've experienced the parties, the alcohol, the guys, the girls, the butterflies, the rainbows, the hurt, the pain.

I've discovered that I don't like growing older. I don't like responsibility. I don't like waking up at 6am every morning. I don't like the idea of finally settling my thoughts.

I've also discovered something else. I don't like growing up but it's going to happen. I don't like responsibility but I like being independent. Waking up at 6am in the morning means a new day has arrived. And Starbucks isn't the only place that makes a decent cup of coffee.

So I've gone around in a circle. I tell you what I don't like and then I tell you that I can deal with it. I'm still feeling extremely homesick but I have pretty good company here too. And I'll figure out all this jazz about growing up as I go along.

I'll talk to you soon.


Krystina

Go where the joy is

This is the shortest piece of advice I have ever given but

'Go where the joy is.'



My love forever and always,

Krystina

From my heart to every girl: cheap items attract the most customers

It feels so good to have my two best friends back. They always manage to cheer me up and knock some sense into me when I'm out of my mind. I know in a few years time when we all graduate, I will miss these shared moments walking around in the scorching sun, talking about anything we feel like, cooking, grocery shopping and generally acting like idiots.

So we were discussing our plans for the next 10 or so years when it dawned upon me that I will be 30. I know I've been carrying the burdens of an adult for a while already but I don't do half the things that typical 20 something year olds do. My best friends and I don't stay out all night clubbing, we don't drink alcohol (mainly because I think it is a waste of money), we would rather go to the fruit market than the bar at night and spend time with our girlfriends than mingle with members of the opposite sex.

In other words, we are *dum dum dum*... BORING...

That depressed me. On my way home on Friday nights I often encounter girls wearing skimpy outfits heading the opposite direction to me. While I'm waiting for my bus so I can go home, exercise, shower and sleep, I bet these girls are getting it on with the men of the night. Maybe the 17 year old Krystina would have cared and put on her 7 inch heels, but I have since grown up. That is because I know, as my two best friends always tell me:

Cheap items attract the most customers.

My friend has recently taken the initiative to remind me that I am a diamond. Diamonds are rare, so rare that they cost a fortune to buy. Every girl wants to own a diamond but not every girl can afford one. Cubic ziraconias on the other hand are cheap so they are often used as substitutes. Great girls are like diamonds. They are hard to obtain but they they will never break or lose their shine. These girls will not be with every male who glance their way because they are waiting for the men who can actually afford them. The ones who are not willing to pay the price will go for the cheap cubic ziraconias. They appear more sparkly, probably wear well at first but their quality in the long run will deteriorate.

My friend told me the story about how one of her friends and her boyfriend fell in love. The girl in the story was very beautiful, family orientated, never partied and kept to her close friends. Her boyfriend was extremely extroverted, tall, handsome and attracts plenty of female attention. He fell in love with the girl in the story because he knew she was different. She had her set of values and cared about the people she chose to care about. She never tried to fit in or use her beauty to gain the attention of other men. He knew if he wanted a one night stand, he could easily find a girl at a club. But if he wanted someone who would love him and bring value into his life, he would need to work hard to win the girl over. And he did, eventually. These days, they enjoy cooking at home and cherishing each others' company. When a man knows his woman's worth, he would never throw her away. You wouldn't want to lose a diamond.

I'm telling you ladies, pretty much all single straight men want to sleep with you, if they get given the opportunity, they probably will. You need to remember that if somebody doesn't work hard for your affection, they will never know your value. You cannot sell yourself short of anything less than the price of a diamond. I know it makes me sound like an outright fussy bitch but you will thank me one day for telling you this. If your aim is a one night stand, be my guest and close this page. If you want a relationship that is meaningful where your man knows how much you mean to him, you must first eliminate all the men who are not willing to put themselves out there for you. You do this by rejecting any forms of physical intimate contact until they factor you as an important part of their lives and have earned your trust. If they are a good guy, they will still stick around to understand the real you. Reliability, honesty, integrity and respect all come into play at this point. At first, you may feel like you will never find someone who can meet up to your standards, but eventually, the right man will come along and pay for the diamond because he is convinced it will be worth it.  

Don't ever settle for anything less.





My love forever and always,

Krystina