Starbucks and feeling homesick

I miss Starbucks. They don't have Starbucks where I live now. I remember back in high school, getting coffee was such a grown up thing to do. I only ever liked Starbucks coffee. I loved the Christmas editions. They were really yummy. And the green tea mocha. That always made me happy.

I'm feeling severely homesick. It's probably just the weather. Normally, during Winter breaks I would be headed somewhere with my family. This year, I'm stuck here. Alone. I guess. Not entirely alone. I have friends here. I have a job to do.

I just wish I can go back to the days where I would walk 20 minutes to my best friend's house in Newmarket and we would go and eat ice cream from the Korean market or have late dinner somewhere in the city. Most stores were open till a decent hour.

Being 16 doesn't feel like that long ago. Why do I feel so lonely tonight? Why am I craving for a coffee shop that I haven't set foot in for 7 months?

It's not the Starbucks I'm missing. I want to go home. I want to go back to high school. I don't like being 20. All this responsibility and stuff that is supposed to happen in the near future. Like maybe finding someone I want to be with. I'm in my 20's. I should be thinking about these things. Grown up things. I'm not a kid anymore. I hate that.

There is no age that I am currently looking forward to turning. I anticipated turning 18 because that meant I could legally drink alcohol. I soon discovered that alcohol was bad for me. So I gave that up.

I've experienced the parties, the alcohol, the guys, the girls, the butterflies, the rainbows, the hurt, the pain.

I've discovered that I don't like growing older. I don't like responsibility. I don't like waking up at 6am every morning. I don't like the idea of finally settling my thoughts.

I've also discovered something else. I don't like growing up but it's going to happen. I don't like responsibility but I like being independent. Waking up at 6am in the morning means a new day has arrived. And Starbucks isn't the only place that makes a decent cup of coffee.

So I've gone around in a circle. I tell you what I don't like and then I tell you that I can deal with it. I'm still feeling extremely homesick but I have pretty good company here too. And I'll figure out all this jazz about growing up as I go along.

I'll talk to you soon.


Krystina

Go where the joy is

This is the shortest piece of advice I have ever given but

'Go where the joy is.'



My love forever and always,

Krystina

From my heart to every girl: cheap items attract the most customers

It feels so good to have my two best friends back. They always manage to cheer me up and knock some sense into me when I'm out of my mind. I know in a few years time when we all graduate, I will miss these shared moments walking around in the scorching sun, talking about anything we feel like, cooking, grocery shopping and generally acting like idiots.

So we were discussing our plans for the next 10 or so years when it dawned upon me that I will be 30. I know I've been carrying the burdens of an adult for a while already but I don't do half the things that typical 20 something year olds do. My best friends and I don't stay out all night clubbing, we don't drink alcohol (mainly because I think it is a waste of money), we would rather go to the fruit market than the bar at night and spend time with our girlfriends than mingle with members of the opposite sex.

In other words, we are *dum dum dum*... BORING...

That depressed me. On my way home on Friday nights I often encounter girls wearing skimpy outfits heading the opposite direction to me. While I'm waiting for my bus so I can go home, exercise, shower and sleep, I bet these girls are getting it on with the men of the night. Maybe the 17 year old Krystina would have cared and put on her 7 inch heels, but I have since grown up. That is because I know, as my two best friends always tell me:

Cheap items attract the most customers.

My friend has recently taken the initiative to remind me that I am a diamond. Diamonds are rare, so rare that they cost a fortune to buy. Every girl wants to own a diamond but not every girl can afford one. Cubic ziraconias on the other hand are cheap so they are often used as substitutes. Great girls are like diamonds. They are hard to obtain but they they will never break or lose their shine. These girls will not be with every male who glance their way because they are waiting for the men who can actually afford them. The ones who are not willing to pay the price will go for the cheap cubic ziraconias. They appear more sparkly, probably wear well at first but their quality in the long run will deteriorate.

My friend told me the story about how one of her friends and her boyfriend fell in love. The girl in the story was very beautiful, family orientated, never partied and kept to her close friends. Her boyfriend was extremely extroverted, tall, handsome and attracts plenty of female attention. He fell in love with the girl in the story because he knew she was different. She had her set of values and cared about the people she chose to care about. She never tried to fit in or use her beauty to gain the attention of other men. He knew if he wanted a one night stand, he could easily find a girl at a club. But if he wanted someone who would love him and bring value into his life, he would need to work hard to win the girl over. And he did, eventually. These days, they enjoy cooking at home and cherishing each others' company. When a man knows his woman's worth, he would never throw her away. You wouldn't want to lose a diamond.

I'm telling you ladies, pretty much all single straight men want to sleep with you, if they get given the opportunity, they probably will. You need to remember that if somebody doesn't work hard for your affection, they will never know your value. You cannot sell yourself short of anything less than the price of a diamond. I know it makes me sound like an outright fussy bitch but you will thank me one day for telling you this. If your aim is a one night stand, be my guest and close this page. If you want a relationship that is meaningful where your man knows how much you mean to him, you must first eliminate all the men who are not willing to put themselves out there for you. You do this by rejecting any forms of physical intimate contact until they factor you as an important part of their lives and have earned your trust. If they are a good guy, they will still stick around to understand the real you. Reliability, honesty, integrity and respect all come into play at this point. At first, you may feel like you will never find someone who can meet up to your standards, but eventually, the right man will come along and pay for the diamond because he is convinced it will be worth it.  

Don't ever settle for anything less.





My love forever and always,

Krystina

Be a woman of class

 

The feeling of unwarranted loneliness during the past few weeks had taken a toll on my mentality. I wanted to be understood and cared for. I was sick of making decisions, of domestic routine, of waking up to the sound of my alarm clock. I wanted to go home and cuddle with my little brother, have long meaningful discussions with my Dad and fall asleep in my Mum's arms. It was hard especially during Chinese New Year because I knew for the first time in many years, I would be alone on a day I would normally spend with my loved ones.

I didn't recognize myself anymore. I had changed from someone innately independent to a needy little girl. I realized at this time, I was the only person who could make things better.

I want to tell you something that might not cure your loneliness but it will benefit you in so many ways. I wasn't able to think clearly at first but I can now.

Here it is;

Be a woman of class. 

What I mean by class is someone who will never undermine herself no matter how she is feeling. This woman is confident in her decisions and can see the big picture instead of letting small mishaps or periods of loneliness affect her values and goals. She has a life she can be proud of because she knows her own capabilities and she doesn't need anyone to justify how fantastic she is. She can be there for the ones that she cares about because she doesn't crave reassurance from them, she enjoys their company. She doesn't compare herself to anyone else and she doesn't expect everyone to love her. She has that thing I talked about in one of my first posts called the inbuilt happiness. As a woman, you also need inbuilt class. No matter what other people say, what mistakes you have made in the past, you can move on without hatred or contempt. Class is about treating yourself right, treating others with respect and carrying yourself with integrity.

I was not a woman of class during my needy period. Actually I was far far away from where she stands. But I am wide awake now. There is always that point in time where you snap back into place. Before that, no matter what people say to make you feel better, it doesn't have any impact. I love the wake-up period because your mind is completely refreshed. But as you reflect on the past few weeks, you really cringe at the person you were.

All I can say is...

I'm back baby! 

I even treated myself to the Peace Love and Juicy Couture perfume so I smell amazing. Versace and DKNY scents are still my favorite but every now and again when I need a little help to retain my class, I will spray my Juicy Couture.

After a grueling two weeks of utter nonsense, I'm stronger than I ever was. I'm also a little sleepy. I will talk to you guys later.





My love forever and always.

Krystina

Growing up and 'Chanel'

My friend wanted to introduce me to his favorite perfume for women called 'Coco Mademoiselle' by Chanel.

I had never smelt anything like it.

It reminded me of a 1940's black and white movie. Something classy, feminine, complicated, wise and very nostalgic.

I fell deeply in love with the scent and I was very tempted to buy it. To some extent I should have treated myself, I had been frugal for as long as I could remember. However, this time, I chose to walk away.

When I was a little girl, I saw how beautiful my Mother was (and still is) by appearance and by character. As a result, I wanted to grow up as quickly as possible. I would sit on the bed next to my Mother's dressing table and watch her go through her beauty routine. I remember the little case of Chanel face lotion that I could only smell but never touch. I wanted to grow up and discover my own piece of Chanel.

Chanel is more than a scent, it is the epitome of class and of being a woman. 

I can't pull it off right now. I don't have the level of maturity to be someone I would have looked up to as a little girl. I'm still trying to figure out who I am. I have a lot things to do, places to go and goals to accomplish.

Chanel stands for so much more than merely a perfume. It signifies what I ultimately want to be. Someone classy, someone wise, someone who holds herself up with dignity, value and maturity. All of that comes with growing up and experiencing life.

I can only hope that someday, my own children will sit next to my dressing table, see my spray on Chanel and dream about growing up a little faster themselves.

  
I know I will get there.





My love forever and always,

Krystina

Promise yourself

 A friend of mine posted this beautiful piece of advice by Christian D. Larson on Facebook. I now have it pinned on my wall. I hope it makes as much sense to you as it does to me.



“Promise Yourself
To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”

― Christian D. Larson

On Legacy And Life

A good of mine wrote this particular post. We went to high school together where we both studied English for publications an advanced writing course. I had a conversation with her on Skype the night of the New Year where I asked her to write a piece about something on her mind. This friend is one of the most intelligent people I know. I don't mean only book wise (she is a bit of a nerd) but simply because she understands life. When I talk to her, everything always becomes so clear.

So Enjoy. This is a rare and special piece of writing.


I remember the exact moment when my life changed.

I was fifteen and lazing about in my bedroom, an episode of Gossip Girl playing loudly on my laptop. Jenny—the teenage protagonist at the time—was apologising to her mother about something she had done when her mother says (and here is the moment where I turned to the screen with rapt attention), “Rather than apologising to me, you need to look at yourself and ask if you like the person you’re becoming.”I thought, “Whoa. That’s deep, bro.” Because—let’s face it—no one asks a kid if they like the person they’re becoming. Adults ask you what you want to be when you grow up or what kind of job you want to have but they never really ask you what kind of person you want to be. Until that moment, I didn’t even realise I was becoming a person. An actual person. Like Nelson Mandela...or Adolf Hitler.Each of them was just one person—granted, a person who changed the course of history and humankind as we know it—but still only a person. Just like you or me.

The epiphany I had can only be described as having looked at a painting for years and only recently realising that it’s not just one object but a collection of tiny, careful strokes, blending into each other to create a whole image.

In other words, every decision that I make will decide the sort of person that I’ll become. I could be a person that changes the human race or achieve nothing at all.

That was when I decided to take over the world.

It’s a work in progress.

Anyway, sitting there on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, I began asking myself what kind of person I wanted to be.

Not long after, I came across someone who believed in kindness. She was the type of person who talked to the cleaner in the same way she talked to the dean of a university—with mutual respect and empathy. That was something I had never seen put into practice before.

Being Singaporean, I come from a society where your job/income determines your status and your status determines how the rest of the world treats you. To see equality put into practice not only surprised me but moved me to re-think the way society places value on people.

This girl I met was also happy. Genuinely happy. Now I don’t mean that she was hyperactive and giggly; what I mean is that every time she spoke, it was with a contagious excitement. She was passionate about her studies, about her work—about people. For her, it was never about money or the materialistic success often measured in cars and possessions, it was about the pursuit of knowledge and about contributing to our world.

Isaac Newton once said, “If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.” Now if anyone was standing on the shoulders of giants, it was this girl. She looked at life in a way that I could barely comprehend. Looking at the past, at human history, she saw how far we had come and she used her work to explore and understand what it meant to be human as well as a way to build on our past and shape a better future.

Every conversation with her felt like discovering an entirely new world.

My obvious crush on her aside, being friends with her also made me realise something. Who I am isn’t determined by my career, the amount of money in my bank, the clothes I wear, or the number of flashy cars I own. It’s the opposite. Who I am is determined by the effect I have on other people; whether I leave them with a nasty aftertaste or a warm feeling, and how they’ll remember me after my death.

As a fifteen year old kid, the realisation—that I didn’t like who I was becoming—also made me understand something else. Contrary to popular belief, we don’t discover who we are; we shape ourselves and our lives and everyone around us. So even if I don’t end up taking over the world, I’d like to be the kind of person who helps make it a little more worth living for.